Third Person Close

Janice Hardy has a free diagnostic on her blog for First Paragraphs. Submit yours!
One thing she reiterates is to establish character in the first paragraph. Here is her advice to one winner:

I'm not yet getting a sense of who Sameen is. There's little here so far that's her seeing and experiencing this world and feeling one way or another about it. I'd suggest adding some internalization so we see her personality and how she views her world. That will allow you to show her voice (and yours) in how she thinks. Tastes vary here, but for me, voice comes through best when you can feel the person behind the words. You know there's a soul in that character. 

I'm redoing my first pages to make sure the MC comes through.


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